There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
