I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
