Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
