she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm passing your future prison.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
