You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
