Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
