Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They took my balls.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
