you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
