Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
