But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
