dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
