you didnt know i had herpes?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
