guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
