I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
