Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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