I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
