I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
