Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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