Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
