I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
