Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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