It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He has the fingertips of a God
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