we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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