my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
God, I missed his penis.
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