Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
