Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
