You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
