Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
