Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
