I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
