hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
