woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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