Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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