ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
