If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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