There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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