Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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