Can i not drive my cunt home
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
