Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
