I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
