"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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