Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
