So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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