need another drink. this is the easiest way
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
