Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
