i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
