Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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