My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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