don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
