She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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