Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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