Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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