Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
