I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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