I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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