Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
