I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
