if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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