so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
