i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
