i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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